Don't really though, that name sucks, my real name's Nico. Just about eighteen years of cheap thrills in the USA creates an immortal teenage jackass like me. Nihilism and narcissism lie at the root of my decisions. There are no justifications, and that's the way I like it.
Theme by nostrich.
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Last night I fell asleep sometime past four.
I’m gonna try and pull it back about an hour tonight. Wish me luck.
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I borrowed the first two Spyro games for the PlayStation from Brandon.
I’ve been playing Spyro the Dragon for the past two hours instead of studying for exams. Cool.
GAME. IS. THE. SHIT.
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The worst is when apologies go unaccepted.
Because then what can you that doesn’t make you look like a fuckface? Like, nothing.
FUCKIN DITTO MAN.
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@ zzz
Yeah it’s kind of funny because there really is no control! It’s just a façade for me, at least. Like, if I pretend I have control, I’ll eventually have it. It’s weird the bullshit I can trick myself into. And yeah, almost like I’ve got it out for myself or something, because I feel some deep ~brooding~ desire to fuck myself over. But that’s really good your friend got some help. I went in-patient too for that, and my self-injury, but I left early because that place didn’t really help me and I was forced there, so I wasn’t co-operating really. It sucks that I’ve been dealing with this shit for so long, and just when I thought I had it figured out, and someone who wholly accepted me, it blew up in my face and I’m left with nothing. It’s kind of like, what do you do? I don’t know, I feel really bad having this broadcasted on my Tumblr, but it’s really the only way I can say it. Thanks again, really. And I’ll probably say thank you every time, haha.
If you’d like, feel free to hit me up on AIM. ZigZagZang7. By the way, she didn’t really get help. She flew the coop though, and is back to a slow death in the fast lane.
And it’s naturally human with the whole pretend to have control bit. If you tell yourself that you enjoy a certain thing, and then enforce that by acting upon those apparent feelings, your brain will eventually reformat itself. Same principle here.
Everyone is their own greatest enemy. Nothing outside your own conscience can hurt you more than your inner demons, and likewise, nothing outside your own conscience can help you more than your inner angels. You never really hear anyone talk about inner angels, and no one ever really notices them, but when there are demons, there are angels. It’s like that quote, “The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Similarily, everyone is their own best friend. You are the only person who will be with you till your dying breath, no matter what. Respect for that goes a long way.
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@ zzz
Thanks for your reply and concern, whatever you want to call it, I’m kind of retarded at the moment. And I’m trying to look out for things, but I’ve been in this cycle for years and it’s like this: every time I try to be better, I fuck it up somehow. When my then boyfriend came along, things were almost magically okay. Now he’s gone, I have no motivation to get better. And he knows most of this. Except last time he knew my weight I was fifteen pounds heavier: before he broke up with me. But no no no don’t feel out of place. That block of shit popped up on your dashboard, haha. See people like you who reply to shit like this makes me happy in a sense…because I don’t know, it’s just a really big problem. And yeah, that last thing you said makes a lot of sense. I just need to make myself believe it. Thanks again, a lot.
Trust me, you’re not the only one who knows what it’s like to constantly sabotage your own efforts. And that then-boyfriend thing is EXACTLY like my friend, she even fucking went and committed herself to an in-patient program. Then he fucking dropped off the face of the earth like a worthless prick.
This shit just hits home for me, always does always will.
Every last person I’ve met with an eating disorder has some issue with control. And to be honest, I really don’t get how the irony of losing control because you don’t have control is overlooked.
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You're such an unhealthy memory.
But that’s where you need to stay. In my memory. And out of my life.
Appropriate
ditto.
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I suppose this is going to be another one of those nights.
I had school today, and then work right afterwards till nine. I got two hours of sleep last night. I am not going to sleep anytime soon. I have school tomorrow. And then work again, till nine.
Why.
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